Lock the Foundation

Nothing else in this guide works without this step. Do it first.

Settings → Screen Time → Turn On Screen Time Settings → Screen Time main screen
When prompted, you'll see two options. You must tap "This is my child's iPhone" — not your own device. If you choose the wrong one, none of the restrictions in this guide will apply.
"Whose iPhone is this?" prompt

After that, you'll set a Screen Time passcode. This is the code your child must never know.

Screen Time Passcode setup screen
If your child guesses this code, every limit you set disappears instantly. Don't use a birthday. Use something random — store it in your password manager.

Block What They Can Change

Without this, a determined kid can undo everything you've set in under a minute.

Settings → Screen Time → Content & Privacy Restrictions → toggle On
Content & Privacy Restrictions — toggle enabled
  • Installing Apps → Don't Allow
  • Deleting Apps → Don't Allow
  • Web Content → Limit Adult Websites
  • Account Changes → Don't Allow
  • Location Services → Don't Allow Changes
Restrictions list with each setting toggled off

Set App Limits That Actually Stick

A limit without enforcement is just a suggestion. Here's how to make it real.

Screen Time → App Limits → Add Limit
App Limits — category/app picker

Pick a category or specific app. Set your daily limit. Then — this part is critical — turn on "Block at End of Limit."

"Block at End of Limit" toggle switched on
Without "Block at End of Limit," the app just shows a warning your child can tap through in one second. Make sure it's on.
Set Social Networking to 0 minutes to block the entire category without deleting any app.

Turn Off the Phone at Night

Downtime is the most impactful single setting for sleep, focus, and mental health.

Screen Time → Downtime → Turn On Downtime
Downtime — schedule set to 9pm–7am

Most families use 9pm–7am. During Downtime, everything except Always Allowed apps is locked. Phone and Messages still work — social, games, and browsers don't.

Kids with phones in their bedrooms sleep on average 1 hour less per night. Downtime solves this in 30 seconds.

Control Who They Can Reach

Most parents skip this. Don't — it's the only setting that controls who can contact your child.

Screen Time → Communication Limits
  • During Screen Time → Contacts Only
  • During Downtime → Specific Contacts (family numbers only)
  • Review their Contacts app first — you control what's in it
Communication Limits — "Contacts Only" selected

Manage It All From Your Phone

Family Sharing lets you approve or deny time requests without touching their device.

Settings → [Your Name] → Family Sharing
Family Sharing — child's account added

When your child asks for more time, it arrives on your phone as a notification. One tap to approve or deny. You stay in control without being in the room.

Screen Time request notification on parent's phone
Family Sharing alone is not enough. A factory reset can wipe everything. Pair this with Apple Configurator supervision to make controls permanent.
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Screen Time is live

The foundation is set. Head to Social Media or Messaging to close the remaining gaps.

Why YouTube Is High-Risk

One innocent video can lead to deeply inappropriate content within three clicks. This is by design.

YouTube's algorithm is built to maximize watch time — not to protect children. There is no parent-approved "safe mode" that actually works for unsupervised use.

For children under 12: block YouTube entirely. The risk isn't worth the convenience.

Block YouTube Completely

Three steps to remove every YouTube access point.

  • Delete the app from the device
  • App Limit: Screen Time → App Limits → YouTube → 0 min, Block at End
  • Website block: Content Restrictions → Never Allow → add youtube.com
App Limits → YouTube → 0 min with "Block at End of Limit" on
Content Restrictions → Never Allow → youtube.com added

All three together close the app, the browser, and prevent reinstalling.

YouTube Kids (If You Want Video Access)

A safer alternative for kids under 12 — with one important caveat.

YouTube Kids app → Settings → Content Level → Preschool or Younger
YouTube Kids — Content Level set to Preschool

Turn Search Off in the app settings so your child can only watch curated content, not search freely. Then block the main YouTube app.

YouTube Kids — Search toggled Off
YouTube Kids isn't perfect. Check their watch history periodically — things slip through.

Netflix & Disney+ Controls

Set content ratings at the account level — not just the device.

  • Netflix: Account → Profile & Parental Controls → set maturity + 4-digit PIN
  • Disney+: Profile → Content Rating → lock with PIN
  • Create a separate child profile so their viewing history stays separate
Netflix — Parental Controls with maturity rating set
Disney+ — Content Rating locked with PIN
Account-level controls work even if your child uses the app on someone else's device.

Block Streaming via Screen Time

Remove all streaming apps in one move.

Screen Time → App Limits → Entertainment → Block All
App Limits → Entertainment category blocked

Or block specific domains under Content Restrictions → Never Allow: twitch.tv, tiktok.com, youtube.com, reddit.com.

Streaming on a shared TV you control is very different from a phone in their bedroom at midnight. Location matters as much as access.
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Streaming is under control

YouTube and streaming are the biggest time sink for kids. Blocking or limiting them has an outsized impact on everything else.

The Real Gaming Risks

The problem isn't games — it's what's built into them.

Most mobile games have three hidden dangers: in-app purchases that can rack up charges, built-in chat that connects kids to strangers, and addictive reward loops designed by engineers whose only job is to maximize playtime.

Roblox, Fortnite, and Minecraft all have chat systems. Kids meet strangers in them daily.

Block In-App Purchases

Do this first. Kids have accidentally spent thousands before parents noticed.

Screen Time → Content & Privacy → iTunes & App Store Purchases
  • In-app Purchases → Don't Allow
  • Always Require your password for any purchase
iTunes & App Store Purchases — In-app Purchases set to Don't Allow

Disable Multiplayer & Stranger Chat

Stop strangers from connecting to your child through games.

Screen Time → Content & Privacy → Game Center
  • Multiplayer Games → Don't Allow (for younger kids)
  • Adding Friends → Don't Allow
  • Nearby Multiplayer → Don't Allow
  • Screen Recording → Don't Allow
Game Center — all options set to Don't Allow
This doesn't stop them playing — it stops strangers from connecting to them through games.

Set Gaming Time Limits

A daily cap prevents gaming from crowding out everything else.

Screen Time → App Limits → Games → Add Limit
App Limits → Games — 1hr daily limit with "Block at End of Limit" on

1 hour on weekdays, 1.5–2 on weekends is a reasonable starting point. Enable "Block at End of Limit" — otherwise it's just a notification they dismiss. Use Downtime to prevent gaming after dinner.

Roblox: The Hidden Risks

Roblox looks like a kids' game. It's actually an open platform where anyone can build anything — and interact with your child.

Unlike most games, Roblox is a platform with millions of user-created experiences. Many are fine. Some are explicitly sexual or violent. The default settings leave children exposed to chat with strangers and age-inappropriate content.

Roblox has been used by predators to contact children. The chat system is the primary risk — not the games themselves.
Roblox app → Settings (gear icon) → Privacy
  • Who can chat with me in-app → No one (or Friends)
  • Who can message me → Friends
  • Who can invite me to private servers → Friends
  • Account Restrictions → On (limits to curated content only)
Roblox Privacy settings — chat restricted to No One or Friends
Turning on Account Restrictions disables chat entirely and limits your child to a curated list of age-appropriate experiences. It's the single best Roblox setting for under-13s.

Console Controls

Consoles have their own parental control apps — set them up separately.

  • Nintendo Switch: Nintendo Switch Parental Controls app — real-time, excellent
  • Xbox: Microsoft Family Safety app — screen time + purchase controls
  • PlayStation: Family Management at account.sonyentertainmentnetwork.com
Console gaming in a shared living space is dramatically safer than mobile gaming alone in a bedroom.
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Gaming guardrails set

Purchases locked, chat limited, time capped. Gaming is one of the safest places for kids to have fun — with these in place.

Why Social Media Hits Different

It's not screen time — it's a social environment where kids perform, compare, and seek validation from peers 24/7.

Games and videos are passive. Social media is active — and the psychological pressure compounds over time in ways other screen use doesn't.

The minimum age for most platforms is 13 — but the age gate is a text box. Supervision matters far more than policy.

Block Instagram, TikTok & Snapchat

Three steps to close all three access points.

  • Delete the apps from the device
  • App Limit: Screen Time → Social Networking → Block All
  • Website block: Never Allow → instagram.com, tiktok.com, snapchat.com, x.com
App Limits → Social Networking — blocked entirely
Content Restrictions → Never Allow — social sites listed

Blocking both app and website closes the two main access points.

How Kids Get Around It

Know the workarounds before your child finds them.

  • Browser access: Block Safari + Chrome, set Web Content → Allowed Websites Only
  • VPN apps: Block via Apple Configurator profile — VPNs can tunnel around Screen Time
  • New accounts: App Store disabled = nothing new can be installed
  • Friend's phone: No tech fix for this — it's a conversation
Web Content → Allowed Websites Only selected

If You Allow Limited Access

Older kids earning social media access should have non-negotiable guardrails.

  • Private account only — no public profiles
  • You follow them before anyone else does
  • Screen Time limit: 30–60 min/day max
  • Downtime cuts off social apps after 9pm
  • You know their login credentials

Monitoring vs. Trust

The goal isn't surveillance — it's a safety net while they're still developing judgment.

Be transparent: tell them you have parental controls. Explain why. The controls aren't punishment — they're protection from platforms that employ hundreds of engineers to make them addictive.

Research shows the strongest protective factor isn't technology — it's a parent who talks openly about it. The controls buy you time to have those conversations.
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Social media locked down

Head to The Big Conversations tab for how to talk to your kids about why these restrictions exist.

iMessage & FaceTime Basics

Most parents block social media and forget that messaging is already on by default.

iMessage and FaceTime require no app install — they're built into iOS. Start here: turn on Filter Unknown Senders so texts from non-contacts go to a separate folder without notifications.

Settings → Messages → Filter Unknown Senders → On
Messages settings — Filter Unknown Senders toggled on

Communication Limits

Choose exactly who your child can reach — and when.

Screen Time → Communication Limits
  • During Screen Time → Contacts Only
  • During Downtime → Specific Contacts (family only)
Communication Limits — Contacts Only during Screen Time, Specific Contacts during Downtime
"Contacts Only" only works if you control what's in their Contacts app. Review it first.

Stranger Safety Rules

Tech controls help — but these four rules are equally important.

  • Never respond to unknown numbers
  • Tell a parent immediately if a stranger contacts them
  • Never share their number in games or apps
  • No video calls with anyone not met in person

Group Chats & AirDrop

Group chats are where peer pressure, bullying, and inappropriate content spreads fastest.

  • AirDrop: Settings → General → AirDrop → Contacts Only
  • Know what group chats your child is in
  • Give them an out: "You can leave any group and I'll back you up"

Third-Party Messaging Apps

WhatsApp, Discord, and Telegram are how kids work around iMessage monitoring.

  • Discord: App Limit → Social Networking + block discord.com
  • Snapchat: Delete + block snapchat.com
  • Telegram: Delete + block telegram.org
Never Allow — discord.com, snapchat.com, telegram.org added
With App Store installs blocked, deleted apps can't come back.
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Messaging is under control

Unknown contacts filtered, limits set, third-party apps blocked. The Big Conversations tab covers the human side of all of this.

How to Introduce the Rules

Parental controls without a conversation breed resentment. Controls with a conversation build trust.

Be honest about why the rules exist and what your child needs to do to earn more freedom. "I want to make sure you have a great childhood" lands very differently than "because I said so."

Setting Rules Without Battles

Kids who help make the rules are far more likely to follow them.

You set the non-negotiables. But giving them input on the edges — bedtime, which apps, weekend limits — builds buy-in. Try asking:

  • What time should the phone charge outside your room?
  • Which apps feel like a waste of your own time?
  • What would you need to show me to earn more access?

When They Push Back

Every kid will push back. Having responses ready makes a big difference.

  • "Everyone else has it" — "I'm responsible for you, not everyone else."
  • "You don't trust me" — "I trust you. I don't trust the app. They hire engineers to make it addictive — even adults can't stop."
  • "I'll use a friend's phone" — "Maybe. That's your choice. My job is still to make good rules here."

Building Trust Over Time

The goal isn't lifetime restrictions — it's gradually earning autonomy.

  • Earn access: more privileges come from demonstrated responsibility
  • Lose access: hiding things or bypassing controls = reset
  • No secrets policy: you know their passwords; they know you might check
  • Monthly check-ins: brief conversations about what they're seeing online

When to Get Outside Help

Some situations go beyond what parental controls can fix.

If you're seeing extreme distress when devices are removed, repeated deception, declining grades, sleep problems, or your child withdrawing from family — these are signs worth taking to a professional.

A therapist familiar with adolescent tech use can help. This isn't failure — it's the same as seeing a doctor for a physical problem.
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The foundation is communication

Technology changes fast. Your relationship with your child is what stays constant. The conversations matter more than the controls.

Ages 8–10: The Basics

At this age, a phone is a communication device — not a portal to the internet.

  • Phone and Messages only — no browser, no social, no games
  • Downtime: 8pm–7am, no exceptions
  • Phone charges in a common area, not the bedroom
  • No front-facing camera apps
If they're upset about restrictions at this age, that's developmentally normal — and means the controls are working.

Ages 11–13: The Critical Window

This is the highest-risk period. Social media pressure peaks, and the adolescent brain is uniquely susceptible to social comparison.

  • No social media — full block, no exceptions
  • YouTube blocked or YouTube Kids only
  • Messaging: contacts only, reviewed contact list
  • Gaming: 1 hr/day max, known friends only
  • Phone in kitchen by 8:30pm
This is the age they'll ask for Instagram. The research on social media and this age group is unambiguous — wait.

Ages 14–16: Earned Trust

Start loosening restrictions based on demonstrated responsibility — not age alone.

  • One social platform at a time, private account, you're connected
  • Browser access with content filters still on
  • Downtime moves to 10pm instead of 9pm
  • Monthly check-ins replace constant monitoring

The goal: they're making more decisions independently, and coming to you when things go wrong.

Ages 17+: Transition to Autonomy

Hard blocks shift to conversations. The goal now is habits and judgment — not compliance.

  • Remove most content restrictions, keep the relationship open
  • Talk about specific platforms you're still concerned about, and why
  • Phone out of room at night — still valuable even now
  • Help them audit their own usage in Screen Time — make it self-directed
Kids who have had guardrails their whole childhood tend to set their own limits better as adults. The habits stick.
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You have the full picture

Every child is different. Use these as starting points, not rigid rules. Questions? hello@corephone.org